Rabbinic Reflection: Rabbi Samuel Kaye

Sheilat Shalom and the Silence of Tisha B’Av

There are many solemn prohibitions on Tisha B’Av, but one of the most unique is about how one is NOT allowed to greet your fellow. We’re NOT supposed to say ‘Shalom,’ nor ‘hello’ or even ‘how are you?” When we see people we know, a simple nod or meeting the eyes is considered appropriate. But of course, since shaming someone is absolutely forbidden, if someone greets us, we should – quietly- say hello back to them.  

But why no hello? Some say it is the same as the custom of a mourner sitting shiva! A mourner doesn’t greet people but waits to be comforted and spoken to by those who have come to take care of them. On Tisha B’Av, none of us greet each other… for all of us are mourners. On Tisha B’Av, all of us are seeking comfort.  

Others argue that our prohibition against greeting is linked to ancient linguistics and liturgy, going back to the Babylonian Talmud. For the rabbis, and for centuries, the greeting between Jews was “Shalom Aleichem!” To which one responded with a hearty “Aleichem Shalom!” While today we understand that shalom has come to mean “hello, goodbye and peace” the ancient rabbis understood the very word shalom to be a blessing. When you met your fellow and asked after them, you blessed them with Shalom, that the peace of God should go with them and rest upon them! This idea is called Sheilat Shalom.  

And our rabbis teach us that on Tisha B’Av, Sheilat Shalom– that blessing and greeting of peace- that is what is forbidden to us. But once again… why? Why on the day that we need peace and blessing the most, the terrible 9th of Av, are those words removed from us?  

Abraham Twerski, a great healer and rabbi of the 20th century, taught that we are unable to give each other sheilat shalom on Tisha B’Av because it forces us to reassess what a greeting truly is.   

“A real greeting is certainly not the mindless “Hello, how ya doing?” that many people robotically offer when meeting another person. When one goes an entire day without greeting another person it is intended to have one contemplate and realize what a greeting should truly be, and by extension, the value of friendship.”  

And it is only through a deeper and more full understanding of friendship, kindness, and love- teaches the rabbi- can we repair the original sin of Tisha B’Av. Sinat Chinam. Hatred without reason.  

Tisha B’Av begins tonight at sunset, and our congregational observances begin tomorrow morning at 7:30 am. We will read from Aicha, feast on Torah instead of breakfast, and- though we may not say hello- stand with the Jewish people across the world to offer comfort and peace.